his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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