wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
