no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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