He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
