Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
