Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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