I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
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