I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
