he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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