Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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