Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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