Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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