First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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