The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
