If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
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