my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
