I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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