am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Alive.
So much puke
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
