I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize