pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
