Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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