She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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