I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
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