already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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