the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
