just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
