I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
