Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
