so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
