Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
