It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Randomize
