I just made out with a guy for $7.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
