he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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