hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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