Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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