And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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