I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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