How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize