those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize