A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
