hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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