ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
