so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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