He is like the real live version of the state fair..
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
