Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
