what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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