Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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