jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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