i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
