Whod you bang
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
