So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
dude i'm inner monologue high
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
