no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
