..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
