please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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