The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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