i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
