Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
