Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
