hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I party with great urgency now.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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