You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
