Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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