I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
