drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
