Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
