Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
