please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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