he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
