I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
