..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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